I am sure that wisdom of the crowds abounds on the said topic. Expect no Rosetta Stone that will banish your woes in one fell swoop should you be that luckless desi dudette still looking out for one and have just about given up on desi-dom.
Words of wisdom from one who has been there and done that (sorta, kinda atleast) Girlfriend, look further afield if you happen to be color-blind and you will be pleasantly surprised. If you are not, prepare for an arduous struggle. I am not saying that "The Man" is not out there in Desiland. Just that you may have undergone a couple of cataract procedures and be a case bordering on Medicaid by the time he shows up in your life. Don't loose hope just yet. Hang in there and wait for the miracle to happen. If your grandma knew she would doubtless prescribe an amulet to expedite the process.
My non-desi girl-friends are anxious to know why I am not out there scoping the horizon and the available dudes for good measure when (apparently) logically I should be doing just that. For starters they are not desi, ergo they would not even begin to comprehend the dynamic of a desi dating-tending to-mating situation.
This nugget of wisdom is for those of you who are on-line looking comes from my friend M, who has been largely singleton for a while. There have been a couple of fun encounters with the "great guy with commitment phobia" types but that does not count. These guys are the outliers that skew the very demographic of date-ready desi dudes. A discussion on them remains due for the next edition.
She says "Go for quantity and not quality" Have handy a filter criteria to winnow husk from grain. Easier said than done. It is somewhat like finding a size 4 tailored skirt by DKNY on a sale rack for under $15. We're talking Nordstrom's by the way. I've had luck with that and am sure so have many others. As with much else in life, perseverance is key to success.
After the first pass you should have very few dudes left to consider paying attention to. If not I would encourage a second pass through a filter that is more sieve and less funnel. Due diligence makes all the difference between months of agony suffering dudes that will never past muster in the end.
Again from the aforementioned friend "Chat is a waste of time unless the dude in question has an impressive sense of humor and makes the stress of your work day vanish" Get on the phone and also by the way always "Think Local" follow up with an in person meeting if the phone screen was positive. Long distance liaisons are hard to keep up with even for the best for us. If you looking to set yourself a stretch target just for the kicks then I guess it's worth it.
Desi dudes are a lot like cars rolling out of an assembly line. Except for individual quirks everything else is part of standard equipment. So while there is a world of difference between a DX and a souped-up EX vehicle the basic stuff inside is very similar if you get my drift.
For instance while perusing an online profile discount 2-3 inches from the stated height of the dude. The most scary figures are 5'8" and 5'9". All flags should go up on encountering these. The said dude could range between 5'4" to 5'6". Before getting into in inextricable romantic mess online ask to meet. Wear your stilettos to the meeting and the rest will turn to history in short order. Save your self needless agony upon the aftermath. You deserve better.
"Athletic" build to most of us girls conjure up images of Ravi Shastri or Imran Khan in their prime. Welcome to the world of the online desi dude. Here the word has a whole different spin. A sizeable paunch, invisible biceps and triceps, stooped shoulders are all qualifiers for "athletic". Do not set your hopes high. If you always wondered at our country's prowess at all things sporting you should have found your answer now.
After making those adjustments what is left is what you get (if you're lucky). If that is something you think you can live with the meeting at Starbucks is strongly encouraged.
Desi dudes fall at two ends of a spectrum. One type will remain in a state of perma-frost until dating ends in mating or does not. You may be justified in worrying if the man is a closet gay going through the motions to preserve family honor or affirm his manhood to himself. The other type will ask you within a couple of days of connecting with you online "What flavor do you prefer in fruit-flavored condoms ?" There is no middle of the road for the typical desi dude in the dating universe. Girlfriends are obviously desperate to meet him and upon being found he goes off the market in a heart-beat. The attrition rate being so abnormally high there is a sense of artificial crisis if not complete absence.
Both types of dudes I mention are probably desirous of dating and more but with the vibes they send out it would be a cold day in hell before a smart desi dudette falls for one for them. So our quest goes on. There will be success in the end I am sure.
An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t
Comments
Ouch!! Crossings....are you ready to duck the bricks n stones that the assembly line productions might throw!! ;-))
But seriously, this makes a very refreshing read, especially after a barrage of blogs with the menfolk talking about arranged marriages, matrimonial ads, dating and such extremely..ahem..interesting topics. Nice to see the women talk...
Girls, get to this blog when u can....its funny!!!
http://www.sulekha.com/weblogs/weblogdesc.asp?cid=27620
and then there are those who write such droning boring profiles and claim that they have a great sense of humor.. well, if you have it, maybe you should not hide it that well!!
I could go on and on about desi profiles, but hey, I am not complaining.. they provide my evening regales :)
But I guess a lot can be said similarly for desi dudettes too.. lets have the dudes talk about it.
I promised myself I would meet and then shoot the guy in the next profile I come across that says that he is "down to earth", "did not believe that he would be actually be doing the online thing" and wants a girl "with a blend of east and west" [come on! we are not talking about coffee here]!!