Sunday, April 01, 2007

Fine Line

X.J Kennedy's poem Seven Deadly Virtues makes you think about the fine diving line between vice and virtue. What he says of good cheer is rather disturbing for anyone who has been through periods of despondency:

Good Cheer
When grief and gloom are what you want, good cheer is nothing but a big pain in the rear.

I have known how it takes an effort to get excited about the beautiful weather outside, leave the familiar confines of the well worn couch to make the best of what the day has to offer. I don't know that I have wanted "grief and gloom" at times like this, but have lacked what it takes to bring "good cheer" on spontaneously.

The craving for uninterrupted quietness and to be left alone was far more than any desire to seize the day. I suffered knowing that my mood would permeate J's diminishing her natural joie de vivre, that I would feel guilty long after for it. I would want to undo that day, that hour, have made some happy memories with my child.

But when the neighbor's kid knocked on the door to ask "Mommy wants to know if you and J would like to come watch my soccer game", something inside snapped as if the strands of gloom were ripped apart by an unexpected burst of happiness - the smiling face of a little girl who wanted me to become part of her day.


ggop said...

I can totally relate to the not feeling like leaving the couch to enjoy the beautiful weather.
But I'm glad the little girl made you snap out of it! You never regret it later. Its sort of like exercise or a safe yoga class :-)

Musings.. said...

Have felt exactly the same before.. Well written..glad you left the couch!