Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bowels And Relationships

I have had well meaning friends and family tell me at different times over the last few years that my yen for a relationship (the more conservative among them call this marriage) is not nearly strong enough or I would have been in one by now. I don't know about "strong enough" yen but I compare my need for a man (or the lack of one more appropriately) in my life to that of that of bowel movements (or the lack of them).

Say you are the kind of person that goes potty first thing every morning, as long as the job gets done you don't spend any time thinking about. In my world, that would be equivalent of the ordinary (and man-less) days where my many preoccupations with J, housework, job and hobbies leave little time to ponder what I am missing.
Being married or in a relationship is the emotional equivalent of regular, timely bowel movements in my mind.

Then there are days when one goes potty at the regular time but unaccountably, nothing happens. You are surprised at first and then there is annoyance but you figure you have the rest of the day to set things straight. Your days proceeds just as it would have otherwise done. Every once in a while, your mind might stray commode-wards. You may grab an extra cup of tea or coffee hoping to set things in motion but if something important like a deadline at work or a child's doctor's appointment comes along, you tend to forget about it. The next morning, things are back to normal at the potty and you feel greatly relieved.

Such are the days when my schedule is relatively light and I actually have the time to ponder my singleness. It is a slight annoyance to know that there is not a man in my life with a man being as necessary as a daily bowel movement, necessary to bring to life a sense of general well-being. The end of relationship (or marriage) is similar - you get used to having a man around everyday, having a certain "domestic" routine over a period of time when suddenly one day as J would put it, "potty goes for a toss" in the morning and you are left wondering what went wrong - was it something you ate for dinner, was it a matter of two people drifting too apart over a period of time. Life gets busy once more and I am back to feeling just fine.

Finally we have the acute constipation scenario. Clearly, this is more than a slight annoyance. Day after day, the early morning trip to the bathroom is not bringing forth the results. Indeed, successive other trips aided by warm beverages, laxatives and the like are not helping either. On such days, it is impossible not to think about one's bowels not matter what other pressing pre-occupations and concerns may be vying for attention. From being in the undistinguished foreground of the day, bowel movements come to dominate center stage. You have no desire or even capacity to enjoy the bounties of the day - be it good weather, a kudos from the boss or meeting an old buddy for lunch. None of that eases that horrible constipated feeling.

This would be my state of mind when it suddenly sinks that I have been single for a long time now, am so many years older, my daughter is going on seven and I have not been in a meaningful relationship for as long as I can remember. There is therefore a sense of needing (most urgently I may add) to have a bowel movement so things can go back to being normal, or having a man appear auto-magically in my life.

Just like a constipated person hates for bowel movement to be their life's predominant concern, I don't like the lack of a relationship being mine either - both conditions are equally aggravating and uncomfortable. You yearn to return to your first thing in the morning potty schedule or be in a domestic situation that involves a man in the house as the case might be.

1 comment:

a-non-reg said...

Prescriptive recommendation: enema or laxative? :)