Reading this article about parental involvement in a child's school and schoolwork was somewhat comforting for me. I have never had the time to be a PTA parent and don't meet J's teachers more than once a year. I am not sure about the lack of involvement with homework though. There is a need to build good habits in kids and it takes some time before it gets ingrained. While they may not need help doing the work, they do need to know they are held accountable.
When they slip up, there needs to be some consequence to help them do better the next time.With J, the expectation has always been that she will need to fend for herself and this is her job to do. Help is available only on an as needed basis. Just like I don't require the family to be on my case to cook dinner, no one needs to be on hers for her to do her homework.