tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post913166760838106709..comments2024-03-09T20:09:10.016-05:00Comments on Heartcrossings: Compendium Of GuiltHeartcrossingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11611681863892546438noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-58692534101770966072008-03-19T18:50:00.000-04:002008-03-19T18:50:00.000-04:00Suchi - Thanks for the affirmation :) I try to giv...Suchi - Thanks for the affirmation :) I try to give J the best parts of my own childhood mius all the imperfections. Sometimes that becomes a tall order.Heartcrossingshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11611681863892546438noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-90114873677205924522008-03-18T08:06:00.000-04:002008-03-18T08:06:00.000-04:00No childhood is perfect, HC. From what you write y...No childhood is perfect, HC. <BR/><BR/>From what you write you sound like the kind of thoughtful, deep-thinking parent every child should have. Not everyone is this lucky.Suchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01059475990205112214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-9790951205328088912008-03-15T08:48:00.000-04:002008-03-15T08:48:00.000-04:00Priya - Thanks for the e-hug :) Even those help ! ...Priya - Thanks for the e-hug :) Even those help ! Thanks also for the perspectives. I think I look back at the past with rose-tinted glasses and things apppear prettier than they were in truth. But sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed. There is such a huge gap between what I want to do for J and what I have the capacity to get done. <BR/><BR/>ggop - You are right. I raise my bar to be sure that J is not missing out on anything because I am a single parent. Sometimes, it can be a logistical nightmare :) There seems to be a fine line between being a good mother and being obsessive compulsive about being a good mother. I guess the former comes easier to mothers in two parent households. I think I veer more towards the later....<BR/><BR/>Anonymous - Thanks for stopping by and for your comments ! Maybe working mothers feel way more guilt than they need to. In my own case, I benchmark myself against my own mother who stayed at home, was from a different generation and raised me in a very different time and culture.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14968555983253784294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-1795084840169167102008-03-15T08:32:00.000-04:002008-03-15T08:32:00.000-04:00The post rings true for all us working mothers..si...The post rings true for all us working mothers..single or otherwise. So dont mix both and condemn yourself. When you decided to go single, it was not like you had an option. So don't fret over what could have been. Maybe setting up dates beforehand with her involvement will help you. <BR/>if it helps, I have stay-at-home mothers around me..and i dont see even a single parent by the community pond..:>)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-74645174438542916852008-03-14T12:28:00.000-04:002008-03-14T12:28:00.000-04:00This is a moving post. If it makes you feel better...This is a moving post. If it makes you feel better, all my working friends feel guilty for keeping their kids in after school daycare way beyond the last class. <BR/><BR/>J will survive, I know you hold yourself to a higher standard because of the single parent label. But it sounds to me you have invested so much in J's education you have nothing to worry. <BR/><BR/>At least J does her projects :-)<BR/>I had no gift for the arts and frequently palmed off my sewing to my aunt!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10539912.post-49522611744633639672008-03-14T12:18:00.000-04:002008-03-14T12:18:00.000-04:00HC, I know the feeling, lady. I go through what y...HC,<BR/> I know the feeling, lady. I go through what you so eloquently put as the guilt of not giving one's child the life one had.<BR/><BR/>But then again, think about it. The life we had as children had hardships too. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, and my parents were very much together. But I don't remember my mother paying that much attention to me. In fact, being the oldest child, I had to step in for whatever my mother didn't have time for. Often I took care of my siblings.<BR/><BR/>When we were growing up, parents took care of needs: helping with homework (only when we ask), signing report cards, putting food on the table. Other children were the ones that spent time with children.<BR/><BR/>This whole concept of 'parent spending time with a child' wasn't there before. And don't tell me we were never late to school :-) :-). We survived, and so will J. <BR/><BR/>Our parents had a much calmer approach and didn't fuss as much as we do. As single parents, our antennas are always up for whatever we think our child is missing. At such times, please give yourself a pat for all that you do as a single parent and for summoning up all the strength you can muster.<BR/><BR/>I bet you had gone over J's project in detail before sending her off. Please don't beat yourself up trying to imagine the 'perfect' life J would have had if your marriage had survived.<BR/><BR/>I go through these same feelings, and tell myself the same things I told you. Take care, and here's a big hug for J's mom :-)<BR/><BR/>Priya.Priyamvada_Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06797797769716970487noreply@blogger.com