Loving Workaholism

As someone who as always worked hard not to get consumed by work and have strongly advocated it those I love and care about, I am no fan of workaholism and have never been a victim. My attempts to rescue some who are have generally failed but it does not stop me from trying. It always feels like the right thing to do. Reading this essay made me think of a couple of people I know who have been overdue for a reset. Workaholism is a modern epidemic that has quietly taken root in corporate culture, seducing high achievers with the illusion that working harder will ultimately buy them love, acceptance, or a sense of worth. Endless hours spent at the office, a constant mental preoccupation with job tasks, and the inability to disengage are common symptoms for many professionals and yet, for all this effort, life often feels hollow and relationships suffer. The tragedy is not just the exhaustion, but the false belief that affection or happiness can be earned by relentless toil, when in reality the returns diminish and emotional needs remain unmet.

At the core of workaholism is a powerful psychological script, often learned in childhood, that love is contingent on achievement. Many workaholics unconsciously believe that to be lovable, they must excel and succeed, mirroring patterns seen in families where love and praise were tied to good grades or accomplishments. Though intentions may have been good, these early messages can morph into a lifelong compulsion to overwork, long after the original sources of approval have faded, driving people to pursue extrinsic rewards with the hope of finally earning the intrinsic ones they truly crave.

The consequences are severe and wide-ranging. Studies show that workaholism is linked to sleep problems, burnout, anxiety, depression, weight gain, high blood pressure, and even strained relationships with family and friends. The compulsion to work often robs individuals of the very connection and happiness they seek, with diminished well-being, little time for self-care, and growing emotional distance at home. Ironically, the more one overworks to gain approval or avoid discomfort, the greater the risk of losing it all, health, relationships, and meaning.

Breaking free from workaholism requires facing difficult truths: recognizing the roots of these compulsions, separating self-worth from work, and deliberately investing time and energy in relationships, offering love and presence, not just financial support. Recovery is a gradual, intentional process, one that may call for habit change, new boundaries, and open conversations with loved ones. The great lesson is that working harder won’t make us more lovable, only being present, open, and caring will. True satisfaction and connection come from giving and receiving what really matters, beyond the lure of professional achievement.