Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Desi Male View

Things I would have never known if I had not spoken with Lord Einstein "Freud" Krishnamurthy - even by the high standards of delusional desi dudes, a formidable combination to be sure. Thus quoth Lord EFK:

1. There are two kinds of desi males on online matrimonial sites. Type A are the kind who have been there done that (i.e. dated blonds, lived in with non-desis) and are at the end of all fun and games. They are now "seriously" looking for the real McCoy (read low maintenance, no drama, high wage earning, single, beautiful desi female with superior home making genes). Type B are the kind that don't have the balls to play the "real" game like the As. It riddles them with insecurity to approach any firang. Instead they prey on more accessible and vulnerable desi women who are looking real hard to find their prospective husbands online.

2. Type A speak on day two "If I just wanted fun and games why would I pick a desi girl when the blond bombshells are to be had for the asking ?" Wonder how it came to be that Aishwarya Rai was pronounced the most beautiful woman in the world by Julia Roberts. I guess Ms Roberts lacks the discernment of our desi brethren and she's not even blond so what does she know about being beautiful.

3. Type B speak on day two "I feel so close to you already. I don't want to freak you out but I checked the requirements for getting a marriage certificate in NJ. We're almost there anyways." The conversation ends with B offering to buy the girl a plane ticket to join him in Chicago where he will be on a business trip. He emphasizes that they can share the hotel room - what better way to "get to know each other"

4. Desi girls have no respect for the desi male. They write in their profiles "If you speak English with a broad desi accent, have children, are less than six feet tall, do not possess six pack abs, are not an US citizen, don't make more than $120,000 a year please do not bother to respond. I am not interested in you even if you were the last man standing on the planet" Despite injunctions thusly imposed they are contacted exactly by the low life riff raff they so heartily disdain. They are understandably frustrated and ask "Are these guys delusional ?" Turns out that the boys have a healthy self esteem and believe they could make the grade even after failing to match the specifications on all counts. For crying out loud, they have a penis - what more could she ask for ?

5. If a desi woman had been formerly been married to an alpha desi male (i.e. pedigreed education, highly successful professionally, well connected family, made shit load of money under 40) she deserves her fate for throwing away her amazing good fortune. That she is clinically retarded is a foregone conclusion. Both alpha and beta (i.e. less than pedigreed education, mediocre career, nondescript antecedents, home owner with an aging Lexus on the driveway) desi males root for her Ex and tell her how incredibly stupid she has been. Lesser males (gamma, delta and more) get penis envy from the sheer size of her Ex's shadow.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

so much of this is true, its not even funny.....

actually it is pretty funny..... just so sad