Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Read a Salon article on virginity - It was once a badge of honor. But to the surprising number of adult women today who have not had sex, virginity is nothing but a curse - sad but true testament of our times. Whereas deflowering a teen virgin is still the ultimate male fantasy, not so deflowering a 30 year old one. Her psychological health is in question for having held out for that long even it was for the best reasons. No man is willing to do the honors and deal with the emotions that will come in its wake.

The mystique of virginity was a "man-made" phenomenon from a time when it was possible to command and control women by fetishising their virginity on one hand and degrading them sexually on the other. Since there was no social or religious sanction for cohabitation outside marriage, men did not have the option of leaving the morning after and never calling back again. He had to stay and in as such he had to "own" the woman he stayed with. Virgnity before marriage and unwavering fidelity thereafter was what that "ownership" required from women.

Relationships in the modern world are like picking up a rental vehicle for the weekend or a road-trip. Its a lot of fun, zero maintenance, you do to your rental what you would never to do your own car. When you drop it off, its over and gone without a trace. That virginity is irrelevant today is at once a loss and a gain for women. She gains sexual equality with men, but she has as little freedom of sexual expression as she did before. When men thought it important for her to save it, she had to do so to comply and conform. Now that men don't care, she needs to make haste to loose it so she can be accepted by men.


SFGary said...

"but she has as little freedom of sexual expression as she did before" why is that? and why does a woman need to be accepted by men?

Priyamvada_K said...

I don't quite buy how the article you linked to always puts women in a reactive position, taking cues from men. Though as all generalizations, there maybe some truth to it. It talks as though sexual freedom is something women have to look to men to "grant" or "bestow" upon them and give their seal of approval.

Birth control freed women from having unwanted children, and gave them more choices. If women collectively decided one day to stay virgins till marriage, what will men do? Perhaps it will quell some shallow tendencies.

Regarding virginity, a male virgin at 40 would make people wonder too. Is he too shy/unattractive? Frigid, perhaps? Unromantic workaholic? Is he impotent? Is he gay?

The questions are endless.


Heartcrossings said...

SFG - If the woman is heterosexual wouldn't all issues of her sexuality have something to do with men ? Sure if she were gay or asexual she would not care what men thought or wanted.

Priya - Women collectively deciding on anything would surely have an impact on the male view of them. But to expect that to happen is perhaps a little too Utopian. As long as women want and need men badly enough, they will continue to act in ways that get them a man - whatever it takes.

SFGary said...

If I could figure out what women wanted...