Skip to main content

Irfan And Suniana

Irfan and Sunaina made the most unlikely pair and yet theirs was a very profound relationship. Beyond love, lust and friendship they had found a place where it was possible to be completely comfortable with each other, shed every artifice and pretension and just be. It was a familiarity that had mellowed over time to become this very special, indescribable thing that could neither name or afford to loose.

Then there was the business of life, individual goals, career aspirations and obligations to family. While they were not inherently different in what they wanted, it would be the where and how that would come to determine the fate of their future together. Irfan started out as an intern in an Delhi based consumer goods company and quite quickly came to the realization that his religions and cultural affiliations would come in the way of career growth. When he talked about this with Sunaina, she wondered if he was not being a little too over-sensitive. Maybe there were other factors at play, maybe he needed to be a better schmoozer.

This was going to be one of the things they would have to agree to disagree about and Sunaina was okay to leave it that way. She reasoned that she had no way of knowing how it felt to be in his shoes. Two years out of college and into their jobs, Irfan got an offer from a company based out of the Emirates. Would she accompany him there he asked ? Only a month ago he had proposed and she had said yes but wanted to wait until her career was on stable footing. She wanted to work in America and had been interviewing for jobs. How would that work out ? Sunaina had asked him in return.

How could they now live and work in two different countries while in a marriage. But can't you live and work where I do ? Irfan asked. There are plenty of jobs for your skills and they would pay very well too. Why does it have to be America ? he asked. Because I want to be in a free country, enjoy the right to be myself, do what I want and not have restrictions imposed on my way of life. You can have all of that and much more as my wife Irfan said. But I don't know if I can adjust to the culture of that country. And I don't want to viewed with constant suspicion and disrespect in America because of my name.

This would become the biggest stalemate in their relationship of over fifteen years. She wanted her freedom and he wanted his - it just so happened they could not have it living in the same place. So where do we go from here ? Irfan asked. I think you should go where you think you have a better future, where you will be valued for the work you do and not be judged because of your name. And you ? he asked. I think I should follow my own dreams too - because I cannot follow you to yours.

Why stay behind in Delhi, where all our memories are. I would be miserable everyday without you. In America, I could start fresh. I will miss you always but maybe the change of scenery will make it hurt less. They stay in touch - long distance calls are not as expensive as they used to be and that is such a blessing. They time their trips back to India so they get to meet even if for a few days. Emotionally they are just as close as they always were but increasingly it is becoming clear to them that they have hit the fork on their road together. They can delay the goodbye but it is inevitable.

Comments

Anonymous said…
i know a lot of people who had a successful long distance relationship living in different countries for like 3-4 years and it worked out fine....

Popular posts from this blog

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques