Saturday, August 04, 2007

Kissing

Apropos of what had seemed like a strong emotional connection at the time, I had meant to send someone this link on the therapeutic effects of a good kiss but desisted. This was to become a pattern between us - his response to something I had done or said spontaneously would be completely rehearsed and several days in coming. In response, I stopped being natural. I had sought this man out while still hurting from an emotionally intense relationship that had every sign of being "the one" but (inexplicably) had not worked out.

So here I was with someone who was totally the wrong type for me - cold, dispassionate, withdrawn to the point of being emotionally comatose. That was all I had capacity for while the wounds were still raw. He never realized that my heart was elsewhere. For me, it was just perfect to have him around to talk for a bit a few times a week and not need to get involved in the conversation or with the person. He provided no more than ambient noise and distraction in my life but it was what I wanted most. I had the time I needed to recover.

But when I was done healing, I sought more out of this thing we now had going failing to accept that he was not going to morph into my kind of man just because I was now ready. Given his personality, he was already doing the best he could. While he was the perfect rebound guy he was not the one for the long haul. Knowing how hard it was for him to articulate his feelings, I thought it best to spare him the treatise on the kiss and let it just be. Some things are best left to die without the nurture of fond reminiscence.

No comments: