Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Checking In

I have always been prone to being checked in on in relationships long after they had ended. When I was younger, I will admit, I found it rather flattering to get an email or a phone call from a guy I struggled to remember two years after I had parted ways with.

He will explain that I had been on his mind for a bit or found an old email from me while clearing his overflowing inbox that triggered a recollection so is he calling calling to check in on me. There is always an disingenuous explanation for the bolt from the blue email or phone call and they don't wait for me to ask for it. Questions like Had I missed him ? Was I was someone now ? will follow in short order. I will try to be as vague and evasive as possible. So he will try another couple of times to get an accurate read on my status. Then he will go away for a year or so only to ping me yet again. This has been a recurring theme in my life.

Among the many odd experiences is one guy that my parents introduced me to the the dog days of arranging a match for me. The dude in question had an email address along with a PO Box number in which to receive matrimonial correspondence. So, emails were exchanged and he got on my wrong side almost instantly. We had yet to exchange pictures and he did not even know my real name and he had infuriated me with his attitude.

Yet he emailed relentlessly, and when I was aggravated enough I would reply in the meanest way I possibly could. At some point before I got married, the mails stopped. I figured that was the last I would hear from M and it was not a minute too soon. M is the kind of guy that gives all desi dudes a bad name - God know they don't need any more bad PR. Though he is obnoxiousness personified, he believes beyond reasonable doubt that he is God's best gift to womankind and only a feeble minded moron like myself would reject him.

He resurfaced for the first time a year after I had separated. He was contrite about his behavior and was checking in to see if I was doing well. He still didn't know my name. I must have by this time become the feeble minded moron he once suspected I was because I wrote back and actually told him that my marriage was over. After some gloating and a few more mails (unanswered this time) he disappeared. Since then, I am on his schedule for check ins. The event happens every other year and lasts a few days. I know much more than I need to about him and he still does not know my name.

I haven't yet fathomed why he writes knowing my responses will be rude and nasty. I think I know why I reply - he is my shadow punching bag. Whatever his motivations, M is not the only one. Over the years, several others have taken to checking in on my love life (or the lack of it) every once in a while. Everyone seems to follow a schedule or maybe that is nature working. At any rate, annual and bi-annual check-ins are most common.

Some to tell me that they are glad that I am single (and so are they) so perhaps they should check in sometimes just because. Yet others, call after a couple of years since we broke up to let me know they are engaged to be married but would love to meet sometime for old times sake. Bring the fiancée along for good measure I add. Irrespective of their own relationship status, all of them want to know (with some variation ) how I manage to stay "so single" and for "so long" and what I was doing to challenge the status quo.

There could many many theories to explain this odd behavior I seem to provoke time and again and I have one too. When I was younger, I loved the attention too much to think clearly. Now, that I am able to, I figure I must be a really odd specimen that these guys are convinced will do something off the charts weird with her life and they want to be in the know. What we have going on here is a bizarre mix of schedenfreud and duh with a lifetime pass to the Coney Island Circus Sideshow. I am not complaining though, after all when life gives you lemons your best bet is to save the receipts as Stephen Colbert says.

1 comment:

InWantOfBeingMe said...

Probably M doesn't even realise it, or wouldn't care even if he did. He probably has a side where he feels good, that he still gets replies from you.