Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Solo For Fifteen

This Salon article about one woman's unplanned celibacy for fifteen years drew a rash of comments from readers. I think it is impossible not to react to something that is so devoid of adornment or attempt to hide what is obviously not a pleasant subject to discuss. The author's candor alone makes this piece of writing hard to ignore. Then there is her take on sex without love. Kit Naylor says :

I know I could walk into any bar in town and leave with some guy willing to come home with me for a one-night stand -- but that feels so sordid and ugly to me. I have known what it is to enjoy sex with love, in the context of a committed relationship -- comfortable, familiar, married sex, if you will -- and anything less than that feels sad to me. I would rather sleep alone than give myself away.

I have often compared random sex outside a single permanent relationship (which may or may not mean marriage to everyone) to diving into the different dumpster each night to forage food when you have the option of cooking a nice dinner in your own kitchen. Why anyone would choose such a thing is obviously very baffling.

4 comments:

Priyamvada_K said...

HC,
I understand the sentiment and empathize with it.

The comparison to kitchen meal vs dumpster diving tempts me to tease you though :D. In response to your last question, answer is "because your kitchen equipment's dishes have broken. New dishes are hard to come by coz the make and model of equipment is not the flashy and current state-of-the-art, though equipment is still in good working condition. Any dishes compatible to this make and model are already taken."

:))

The choice is the same one I mentioned in my blog, "Of men and faludas".

Priya.

Heartcrossings said...

Hey Priya - Good points about the kitchen :) How about a re-modeling job to fix what's broken and improve what's barely functioning. I guess that still beats the dumpster. Even if you come by the left-overs of a gourmet dinner, its still trash.

Priyamvada_K said...

Re-modeling job is a good idea :). But there is nothing wrong with equipment - in looks or functioning. Just that the dishes compatible to it are all taken. Few dishes remain of that vintage, and even those favor the brand new equipment (which seems compatible to the old dishes and the new).

All jest aside, I hear you on the trash - people with any sense of self-worth will not go for that (gourmet or otherwise).

I guess the suddenly singles have the following choices:

a) wait for the full 5-course meal (a.k.a marriage).
b) grab stuff off the vending machine (chemistry and goodwill but few or nil long-term prospects).
c) dumpster diving.

I guess we need to live like a karma yogi if exercising choice a). By the time it materializes (if it does), maybe even the desire for it would have evaporated :)

Priya.

Heartcrossings said...

Priya - Love the analogy to the different kinds of meals - specially the vending machine. "chemistry and goodwill but few or nil long-term prospects" - its priceless.