Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mortality

When you connect with an old friend after a couple of years and ask the question "How have you been ?", there are several kinds of responses you are prepared to hear and there is one that you are never quite ready for "Lots. Let's see now, where do I begin. I was diagnosed with cancer and have been busy taking care of that situation for the most part". This is exactly what happened with me recently.

I had to excuse myself from the phone, go away where I could be alone so I could process what I had heard. A few hours later, I emailed and asked if we could meet for lunch one day. We ended up talking a little about her illness but we mostly pretended that it was not there. I am always quick to go into denial when faced with situations like this. There is no other way I know to process sorrow or pain. As long as I can do it, I will go on like nothing has changed.

We will get back to our old pattern of meeting for lunch somewhere between our workplaces, chat about her crazy in-laws, the latest in J's world and mine, her newest home improvement projects among a host of other things. I will measure time from one meeting to the next and refuse to look any further, scrub out all information that trends negative and supplant it with my imagination where everything is perfectly fine.

Reading these last few lines of a poem titled Biopsy made me want to cry

as the needle enters the vein,
And we search for any possible constellation, something

Familiar to name.

Yet to give in to that impulse would be to accept that my friend is ill so the tears will simply need to wait.

3 comments:

Ardra said...

Hi HC!
Your post reminded me of a similar post of mine:

http://ardramaamsandhyakal.blogspot.com/2007/02/frozen-limbo.html

there's nothing else that I can say...
ardra

Priyamvada_K said...

HC,
Tough situation. Don't know what is the best - talk about it, or let it rest. Some difficult things are draining to talk about - so it might be better not to mention the topic. Sometimes it is better to reach out and bring it into the open so you can connect fully.

Whatever works for you and your friend...Hope she gets well soon.

Priya.

Shelly said...

Hi,
The heartcrossings means when you love anybody from the bottom of your heart then the other must also be in the same path then after the relation be immortal. There Should not be any limit in the heartcrossings.
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Shelly
Sapience