Friday, February 05, 2010

Empty Nest

Early as it is, I find myself preparing for the empty nest that I will have in time. J was rather busy last weekend - to the movies and dinner with a friend and her family one day and a play date on the next. This is not very typical for J but I love the energy she gets from having been out and socialized independently. She comes back feeling like she's a little more grown up than she was when she left home. Each time she's gone a while, the house feels like lifeless shell. I would much rather go out myself than stay in an wait for her to come back.
J is hitting a growth spurt lately. Anyone who sees her after a few weeks tells me she's grown taller. As much as I would love for her to be my baby, she is a girl now and before long her wings will be strong enough to fly. This is the stage of parenthood, I find myself unprepared for - babying her was easy but this is far more difficult. When to let go, when to pull back and how much - so much to balance in a flux of ever changing variables.
Every time I feel like J's baby years are going to be officially over soon, I rush to give her a big hug. Closing my eyes, I try to feel like I did when I felt held her in her arms - when her heart beats close to mine, I can still feel the same connection I felt when I first felt her move inside my womb. It is a such reassuring feeling. The nest may be empty sooner than I can imagine or prepare for - the early years of motherhood feel so very short.

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