Monday, March 08, 2010

Libra Earrings

The signs of impending decay in marriage can sometimes come within months of having exchanged vows - it had in mine. R (my ex) was a very attentive man. He would  notice what I wore, how I did my hair and remember the smell of my perfume. In the early days, I found this rather charming. Then one day as I was combing my hair to tie it back he asked "Is that your favorite earring ? You seem to wear it a lot". I said it was. "Was it a gift from someone ?" I said it it was not. I had bought it years ago. "Isn't it the sign of Libra ?" I said it was. "Why do you wear the sign of Libra ?" It was neither his sun sign nor mine.

That was also the first time I withheld the whole truth from him. I told him I liked the design which just happened to be the sign for Libra - it was cheap costume jewelry anyway. R could tell there was more to those earrings and that I was not willing to share.That incident as trivial as it was, made for the first fracture of many others in our marriage. I realized R wanted to own me in my entirety and a past that did not include him could have no room in my life -it would need to be expunged. He would wear me out with his probing, until my most beautiful and precious memories turned raw and hurt. Unconsciously, it steeled my resolve to hold on to and hide away things I may have otherwise forgotten.

Libra was P's sun sign. I had bought those earrings the day I got a letter from him that said "It's a balmy day here in Bombay and I was listening to the mixed tape you gave me before I left. The music is so beautiful and soothing. It brought back many memories."

This was before the time of email and we wrote letters to each other instead. It would be impossible for me to explain to R or anyone else, how I felt when I read that particular line  How after light rain that evening, the skies had been sparkling blue and I went out to town with friends and the whole world seemed happy just like me.

And then in a shop window, I saw a pair of earrings that magically completed the orb that connected P and I in our thoughts. I have them to this day and wear them when I want to remember what it felt to be in love for the first time and experience what would make no sense to anyone else.In a cruel twist of fate perhaps, I have R to thank for this.


Anonymous said...

I don't know about you but I personally believe that past should remain past. All things however dear should be disposed off as it is unfair to other person.

Heartcrossings said...

Anon - Connections between two people never begin or end unilaterally- as much as one would like them to sometimes :) Extending your logic, there can be no room in life for memorabilia - gifts from old friends, pictures and letters because you are no longer in touch with them and will likely never be.