Sunday, August 08, 2010

Anti Rules

S was telling us when we were out to lunch one afternoon, how she and her boyfriend B started dating. Ordinarily, this would not be the most riveting topic of conversation - everyone has a story some less boring than others but S is outside a couple of standard deviations in personality so hers promised to be an interesting one and she had our collective attention.
Instead of playing coy, calm and collected waiting for the man to make the first move, following The Rules book and not call him unless he called after the first date - generally being hard to get instead of "needy" and "clingy", S took a completely non-traditional approach. She walked up to the guy and asked him if was interested in getting some lunch.
Apparently, the unexpectedness of it all nonplussed him and before he knew, they were sitting in a restaurant. The lunch went well and S kept a steady flow of emails going until the next time she asked B out for a date. She does not believe in waiting for things to unfold or for men to discover what they are seeking. Instead, in the right circumstances, she takes control of the situation and assumes the leadership role.Clearly, it works for her.
Now, we've all met B and think he is a very nice guy. With a less assertive woman, he may have been dithering to this day wondering how to make his next move (if at all) and may not have been the stable relationship that he has now been in for a while. He has S to thank for setting his house (literal and figurative) in order.

S the probably the anti-hero - the woman who does everything that dating and relationship coaches caution against and achieves what she wants. It could be argued that her strategy would only work on one such as B who she has on occasion emailed or called twenty times in a day until he responded only to say "Hello". According to her, it is what she felt like at the time - she was just being her natural self. No book of Rules will cramp her style.


Priyamvada_K said...

Good for S! Nice to see someone to spot what they want and go after it with all honesty.


ggop said...

Gah. So many spammers this time.
Glad to hear S didn't have to resort to the rules and cliches like "men love the chase" etc.

Heartcrossings said...

Priya, ggop - We need to see more women like S around us to they can challenge the established rules of the dating game

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