Heartcrossings

J is going to be thirteen soon. This summer I have been trying to carve out what bits of time I can from my crazy workdays to hang out with her. We don't do anything spectacularly fun though one afternoon I took her jetskiing in the ocean when the tide was high. She said it was the most fun hour she had in a long time. We have been to museums, libraries, gardens and bookstores on other days. There were long silences and a lot of conversations that flowed almost without effort.  There were days I could not fully extract myself from work and happier times when I could. J has learned to work with my limited resources and still enjoy herself. During this time I have learned she is not a baby anymore no matter how much I want to believe that. I have told her many times this summer that her life is truly elsewhere - and dreaming big is the best way to learn where her bliss lies.  You try feeling different dreams for size and comfort - think about what feels the most natural. And

J had some interesting views on this latest attempt to police kids time online . She said it is a dumb idea - this was parents outsourcing parenting to a piece of technology. A good parent must do their own job. She also said that it would make kids dependent and unable to self regulate - which is not a set up for success in their adult life. At some point they will need to hold down a job and make their own decisions. Something like this would seem like a good idea in the short term for both parent and child but long term would not serve the kid well at all.  Instead she recommends a blanket ban on unsupervised time online for kids too young or too irresponsible to know better. For the rest, J would have the kid self regulate with lite supervision but not policing by the parents - which is the rules of engagement in our home. Full disclosure, it is not easy to get J to do her chores every day but on an average more things get done than not. With time, some good habits do get forme