I have at the end of a relationship been told how much he respects me, how he will always remember me as a dear friend. Emphasis already being on the past, when we are not quite broken-up yet - officially at least.
It would be better to be told he was leaving me because I totally repel him. A qualified rejection is an easier decision to come to terms with. I never understood how I could remain a dear friend, worthy of respect yet not be loved. Specially, when once there was an such over-abundance of that feeling.
Like Seth, I am left to wonder "Why is it true my ample self-affection Will not suffice to buoy me in rejection"
Octet - Vikram Seth
You don't love me at all? O God. O Shit.
You still 'respect me.' Thanks. I value it
About as much as one who's asked to use
A second hat when he's in need of shoes.
Since, I discover, my own self-respect
Is quite enough to keep my spine erect
Why is it true my ample self-affection
Will not suffice to buoy me in rejection?
An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...
Comments
well...humans have to somehow assuage their guilt...else cognitive dissonance will kick in...:-))
seth is awesome as usual...:-P
Have a great weekend.
Take care, God bless and be well.