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On An Aftermath

After more years than I remember
I am strung approximately between
the deepest pain and love -for you.

I make a make-shift home
for you in my heart
way before its time
knowing I should not.

Your lips brushed against my skin
rekindling dead desire,
turning me parched for love again.

But I do because you insist
on having the comfort of home
when just passing by
enjoying the view.

Your words and voice fade
you leave - make no promise
to come closer
or even return
- all of which I crave
no less or more than the other.

My hopes are churned frothy
not ready to burst yet - don't ask for death.

Knowing that at dawn you
will be gone - forever.

Tell me instead that you have loved and hurt
for me as much or more - as I have done for you.

Tell me that you were waiting for heavens
to make the sign that I was the one for you.

Tell me anything, but don't leave yet - stay.

I love you for the best reason possible - that
for no reason at all. For no promise made, for no
perfection, nothing offered, nothing received.

I love you with the raw incandescence that
transcends logic and reason.

In that my love is purely that - love.

I am at time happy to be with another.
Yet after a while, the heart turns heavy with
with the brooding silence of your absence.

Men like you maul me time over time
and yet I do not learn
that I deserve to be treated
different,

As I long so much to hear your voice again,
I think I know how the end might come -
your desire to leave your mark on my life
may turn stronger than mine - don't do it.

I will cherish you so much more if you stay

Don't tell me when I bring you news of my
happiness that you waited to say goodbye
until I was ready to bear your loss.

Tell me you are leaving.

handled gentler
be walked through
friendship and then love
at leisurely pace

Tell me now if you must - pain will mingle
with pain until one and indistinguishable.

I go through serial
emotional rape
because
the physical me
is out of reach.

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Comments

DilettanteMoi said…
raw pain.. that is what I feel!! hope you/she is not as hurt as the poem sounds! i will read it again, this time not in a hurry to get to the end!! I like endings.. but alas! real life has no endings... only beginnings.. there is only one true ending, no?
11:40 PM
Sumita said…
Woah!!!

Some poem this......!!!!

sometimes i think if more and more people think love should be relegated to contracts transactions and objective calculations...
as "love for no reason at all" seems to be met with more suspicion than desire...
Its probably time to lock the heart away and walk forward..
Jiva | 06.28.05 - 10:05 am | #
9:50 AM
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