Saturday, July 21, 2007


A tsunami as it wrecks havoc blurs vision too but hindsight is always 20/20. Three months ago, Lipika was no less discerning of humankind than she is today or any less gifted with prescience yet the inevitable happened.

In retrospect there were signs a plenty that she would have read had she known they were talking to her. Shaded by the rosy clouds of happy delusion, she failed to see the obvious. In having failed she is left with the detritus of an approximate relationship and a story to tell. In the final analysis there is no absolute bad.

In a time when online relationships are getting to be more the norm than the exception, it is surprising how ill-equipped we are emotionally to handle the aftermath of failure. Indeed breaking up from a real time relationship has established conventions if not rules of engagement. Everyone is aware of the fifty ways to leave their lover.

The in brave new world of cyber-relationships, there are undocumented landmines that one stumbles upon, hurts, recoils and learns. The key thing is to be able to move on as Lipika is doubtless striving to do as are many others out there. No one knows the rules quite yet, you zip through like you were on the Autobahn, when you stop you realize it is all over. The ashes are smoldering by the way side of what had seemed until then “the relationship” you had waited for all your life. What is left is a story.. memories that you would rather not have.

Belle and Helios are imminently replaceable handles afloat in cyberspace – with or without equanimity. They know the rules – have largely been there and done that on-line dating wise. They are both selective and need to feel that very special spark to carry on an on-line conversation. At thirty even and odd they both have a pressing need to get their life back of track as through marriage and the stability of a real home.

They have a need to have a real life and to stop philosophizing over a life that does not exist. Her marriage lasted just over two years , his a little under ten. Offline their lives are at antipodes or worse and hence the feral attraction. Belle is a suburban single mom with a tendency to throw a dramatic sense of pathos into her rendition of her circumstances – but to be fair to her she does it with considerable flair. She glamorizes the past in a valiant effort to render it more meaningful than it had really been. It is her anodyne for suffering and her crushing sense of loss.

There has been much pain of which much has long since been overcome if not forgotten but she lives a lot in the past – it is her nature to do so. Helios is a man with a wild streak – all different from Belle and that is what intensifies their chemistry – he lives on the edge likes a relationship that works like a morning shot of Jolt – something about Belle gives him that.

He is a dad estranged from his children – dragged through deep trenches of pain and dumped by a spouse he once (perhaps still) considered perfection incarnate- a woman who held power over him and wielded it to cause the most destruction. A man with a sad story to tell but more often than not he does not say it with sadness – instead there is a bouffant sense of exhilaration when he talks of his happy memories – the wild, carefree days of total abandon – that draws Belle to him.

They both have stories but the telling is so different. There is another side to Helios, a side he does not immediately reveal.. it is where there are lurking secrets, half truths and worse. There are no sides to Belle. She is a steady note overlaid by several harmonics some discordant others dulcet. In all there is a theme, a meme maybe. To know here all is to hear all those notes..she not one or the other of them.

Belle is online one evening scrolling downwards through a list of forgettable faces propped by neo-literate blurbs in a dating site – she is bored as can be, wondering if indeed being forever singleton will be her fate . One face catches her eye. After being in a marriage where physical chemistry was non-existent, the face surprises her with the sheer degree of animal attraction she feels at a picture and at a man’s face. The sense of connection, a subliminal form of recognition takes her aback.

It strikes her as out of the ordinary in her experience. The profile reads extremely well too.. she knows a literate man when she sees one and this is surely one.. There are a couple of flags she has known to recognize from her forays into the on-line dating scene – the man is shorter than he claims, the picture is a good ten years younger than he is, he has children but professes to have none, he makes less money than he says he does. There is a lot of “fluff” as she terms it but inside it resides an interesting person.

He is marketing himself and is doing a decent job of it.. once the woman contacts him he hopes to hold her in thrall of his charm – so a lower salary, a couple of kids, lack of hair and inches will all seem trivial. Her curiosity is piqued and she send him an “interest” notification – it’s been so long since she had good conversation.. The man is obviously not marriage material and she is under no illusions that he may even be. She has a strong gut feeling about these things. She reads the profile yet again .. and wonders if he will respond to hers .. short, terse and without the benefit of a picture to put a face to the words.

A conversationalist and a woman of good humor and high emotional intelligence. Someone who has experienced much in life, and have harbored the hope that life has more challenges to offer, and that she has and will continue to foray into the adventure that the future extends to her.

Will be an added bonus that she also has a streak - nay -- several streaks of spontaneity in her - that she could just as easily walk down the street with the most outrageous outfit, and do so without batting an eyelid. Yep -- that she is the queen that will ambulate in the space that she creates for herself -- that will be a cool person to hang out with.

Of course, but she must always know that being confident and being arrogant is more than a mere distinction of words -- it is the make or break of having or ceasing a relationship. Me: I have been told that I am attractive, and despite all entreaties, I am foolish with my heart. That it is readily given or loaned at a moment's notice, and that I pay usury to get my own heart back.

If that is something for starters, I have a penchant toward reading and writing, and love music and movies. Yes, in the heydays of youth and guts and glory, I did much of all and not less of any :) So I am what I am --- and if that be an example of circular logic - OK - then that is consistent with the fact that I am on "Personals" looking for a cool friend to hang out with -ciao

Relaxed, Humorous, tongue in cheek, have a knack for puns and British comedies, rather throw her hair up in disgust than her hands, will be able to spice up the room with international cuisine - I cook and u taste ---- well read, eclectic, give a damn yet don't give a damn when it counts --- smooth rider on the dance floor -- and a smile --- a smile that fleets between seconds, hovers like a butterfly and wisps away into this mental oblivion -- and I beg for more :))

She wonders who it is that he seeks. Through that slew of words a picture does not emerge. Instead she sees a pale ghost from the past. He seeks someone like someone he once loved. Loved so much, that he has no capacity left to love again. Maybe the love turned to vitriolic self-destructive hate. He wants to be a younger, brighter , happier version of the person he truly is. He wants to negate years from his life, yet cannot negate what those years meant to him…or the person that compels the need to negate. A pity.

A man who is here and wants to enjoy what there is to enjoy but in his heart he is elsewhere. In all the time that she has been online, she has never come across someone who is so obviously caught up with his past and makes no effort to hide the fact. She is curious about him, about his story which she is sure will be told well should he decide to communicate with her. She is also curious about the woman who fills the contours of however and whatever he finds desirable.

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