Saturday, September 26, 2009

Absent Chemistry

Recently my friend K asked if it were possible to judge if there was chemistry or not based on one picture. I was quick to say yes - it has happened to me. Now K is a very attractive young woman who does some modeling on the side. Clearly for an "average-looking" man to tell her "awfully sorry but I am not feeling any chemistry at all" based on a picture from her portfolio is an affront. Had it been the other way around, K would have not called to ask me the question she did. I am certain she has summarily dismissed prospects based on a picture or two - as have many of us women.

The real question is therefore, should men be held to a different standard than women. Does it behoove them to declare they find a woman attractive even if they really don't - is it merely good manners like holding the door. Are they out of acceptable standards of behavior if they tell what they actually think. I suggested to K that she shrug it off and move on. It should not be so easy for a random man to come along and displace her confidence in her physical appearance.

There are enough guys fawning over K at any given time - and that alone should be enough to undo the damage one had done. As long as youth is on her side she can count on that. When it is gone she will need have enough self-worth built so she no longer needs validation and affirmation from men. She should be in a place where she can be amused at the remark and be able tell this man she appreciates his candor and wishes him luck.


just another guy said...

Lot of guys would do that if they feel the girl is too good looking for them. The guys know from past experience that it would not work and would end up wasting time on a girl which they have no future with.

April Braswell said...

Hi, I could not find your name, or I would gladly address you appropriately, ♥ Crossings. This got me to contemplating attraction and chemistry.

Don't you find that men are stimulated FIRST visually? So that single men are MOST responding to a single woman's oh-so important internet dating profile photograph?

And we women, we surely DO care about how a man looks. It's just look at different criteria first.

This made me think of the marvelous quote:

Men fall in love with the women they are attracted to.

And women are attracted to the men they love.

Neither is better.


It is just the way we are. Don't you find that to be the case?


Heartcrossings said...

April - Men also complain that the woman in reality looks nothing like her picture. The dating profile picture being of such paramount importance, prompts women to post glamor shots. The ones who do not get winnowed out in short order :) Ironically, the later may fare better in an in person meeting because they do look like their picture.