Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Empathy Enhancement

Against my better judgment, I emailed T several weeks after our "date" asking him a simple question "What made you fall off the face of the earth ?" More than anything, this was curiosity about human nature. It was all too apparent to me that he and I would not work out for the long haul.Even so, no one wants to believe that they have no judgment of character and in inter-personal relationships are completely unable to read what the other party is signaling. It hurts our self-esteem. T wrote back and this is what he had to say for himself :
No, you have not misunderstood things. I was wrong to break off contact with you, and I should have handled it better. Soon after our date (which was wonderful) I realized that because of distance and other things we would not have a long term relationship. I also knew that if we dated even a couple of times, I would not be able to restrain my desire for you. I thought it would be wrong to start dating, then maybe get too involved, then break up with you. I apologize that I just cut off communications, but I thought it would be best.
If this Livescience article is to be believed, men like T could benefit greatly from a shot of empathy enhancing nasal spray. They would be able to handle things better and be more pro-active than reactive when it came to relationships.In this situation, T might have been over-reacting about hurting my feelings when in fact, I was not liable to be hurt at all. Had I not asked, I would have never known. It would have been one of those unresolved relationship questions that make it to agony aunt columns and prompt books such as He Is Not That Into You. Truth is apparently stranger than fiction.

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