I dread the online encounter post-mortem call to M that I seem to do on auto-pilot. Typically the call is made on a Saturday noon when J takes her nap and all the world is at peace. M knows right away what this is all about and has admitted to reaching for caffeine because my horror stories make her want to retch otherwise.
I get straight to the point " The man's handle was SpeedDaemon and I responded to his contact. Plead guilty to acting out of boredom and not acuity."
M sighs in exasperation and asks "Where the heck do you pick these zombies ?"
I reply vaguely " You know here and there" knowing that specifics will provoke M to recommence her Dating for Dummies Refresher Course By Phone. She has in the past provided me inspiration for the Dating Guide For Desi Dudettes. Educating is in her genes.
"The dude wrote an intelligent blurb, looked very respectable, works for the government. We exchanged e-mails. Has a daughter a little older than J. Seemed to dote on her. Asked me if I wanted to see a picture. I said sure" dramatically pause at this point for maximum, effect on M
"Well ?" she asks
"He sent me a picture of a pretty seven year old girl in a bath tub covered only in bubbles. The title of the picture being "My Little Bathing Princess" I felt strangely queasy at the choice of picture he chose to share with a complete stranger " I say
"What happens after that ? " M is deathly serious now
"Well, we chat some on-line. He tells me that his ex is fighting tooth and nail to cut him off from his daughter. Claims that she is being vindictive because the alimony deal didn't work out so well for her. The picture of the little girl in tub keeps coming back to me as we chat. He asks if I have a picture of J" second pregnant pause at this point.
"You didn't share any pictures did you ?" M considers me very retarded so I am not surprised at her question. I take no offense either.
"No. Instead I try to find out a little bit more about the deal with ex and daughter. The picture as it turns out was taken when the little girl last visited him. I don't want to think what I am thinking but I can't help myself. It makes me want to throw up" I say
"You really think ?" M asks.
"I don't know. I asked him what went wrong with the marriage - whatever he said was not enough reason for a stay-at-home mom in her late thirties to suddenly file for a divorce. The timing of the whole thing bothered the hell out of me" I said
"Wow" M exhales deeply
"He wanted to meet up" I say
" You did not !!" exclaims M.
"I figured I would like to see the dude in person to see if I could sense any over-powering creep factor. It's important to me, M. I have a daughter too. If I do get hitched with someone I would first need be sure J will be safe with him. How can I tell ? This guy looks and sounds so regular" I say in defense
"So how did that go ?" M asks
"Well, I met him at lunch hour in a public library at the other end of town. Parked several blocks away and walked over. We talked for about twenty minutes. The strange thing I noticed was the aura of harmlessness about him - you know the kind you think would not hurt a fly. Only that it was so strong that I felt totally repelled. Even if that picture thing had not happened, I would have backed out right after that meeting." I say
" So do you think you'll be able to tell about J's safety from meeting a guy ?" M asks " I feel fortunate that I don't have that to worry about" she adds
"I don't know, M. I just believe that J and I are in God's hands. I leave it at that" I felt more resignation than I could convey in words.
I get straight to the point " The man's handle was SpeedDaemon and I responded to his contact. Plead guilty to acting out of boredom and not acuity."
M sighs in exasperation and asks "Where the heck do you pick these zombies ?"
I reply vaguely " You know here and there" knowing that specifics will provoke M to recommence her Dating for Dummies Refresher Course By Phone. She has in the past provided me inspiration for the Dating Guide For Desi Dudettes. Educating is in her genes.
"The dude wrote an intelligent blurb, looked very respectable, works for the government. We exchanged e-mails. Has a daughter a little older than J. Seemed to dote on her. Asked me if I wanted to see a picture. I said sure" dramatically pause at this point for maximum, effect on M
"Well ?" she asks
"He sent me a picture of a pretty seven year old girl in a bath tub covered only in bubbles. The title of the picture being "My Little Bathing Princess" I felt strangely queasy at the choice of picture he chose to share with a complete stranger " I say
"What happens after that ? " M is deathly serious now
"Well, we chat some on-line. He tells me that his ex is fighting tooth and nail to cut him off from his daughter. Claims that she is being vindictive because the alimony deal didn't work out so well for her. The picture of the little girl in tub keeps coming back to me as we chat. He asks if I have a picture of J" second pregnant pause at this point.
"You didn't share any pictures did you ?" M considers me very retarded so I am not surprised at her question. I take no offense either.
"No. Instead I try to find out a little bit more about the deal with ex and daughter. The picture as it turns out was taken when the little girl last visited him. I don't want to think what I am thinking but I can't help myself. It makes me want to throw up" I say
"You really think ?" M asks.
"I don't know. I asked him what went wrong with the marriage - whatever he said was not enough reason for a stay-at-home mom in her late thirties to suddenly file for a divorce. The timing of the whole thing bothered the hell out of me" I said
"Wow" M exhales deeply
"He wanted to meet up" I say
" You did not !!" exclaims M.
"I figured I would like to see the dude in person to see if I could sense any over-powering creep factor. It's important to me, M. I have a daughter too. If I do get hitched with someone I would first need be sure J will be safe with him. How can I tell ? This guy looks and sounds so regular" I say in defense
"So how did that go ?" M asks
"Well, I met him at lunch hour in a public library at the other end of town. Parked several blocks away and walked over. We talked for about twenty minutes. The strange thing I noticed was the aura of harmlessness about him - you know the kind you think would not hurt a fly. Only that it was so strong that I felt totally repelled. Even if that picture thing had not happened, I would have backed out right after that meeting." I say
" So do you think you'll be able to tell about J's safety from meeting a guy ?" M asks " I feel fortunate that I don't have that to worry about" she adds
"I don't know, M. I just believe that J and I are in God's hands. I leave it at that" I felt more resignation than I could convey in words.
Comments
Women better follow their gut instincts. it has saved many of them from many unpleasant situations...they are better off judging in such situations, than not.
Priya.
Chay - Have done well so far following my gut. I guess that is the best I can do.
Bluehue - That's the worst kind of pressure there is to be right.
Priya.
sometimes gut feeling is all we got.. and it is the most powerful reasoning to go by.
you write conversations between people really well.
Sorry to post something so obviously nauseous but I just had to share.
just read ur blog and now as ssm said, the pic is stuck in my head. I hope that lil gal is safe and her mom gets her before anything weird happens. beyond that, u take care and follow ur gut.
So much more reason for me to want to know if I am wrong in what I am thinking. Sometimes a party outside to the situation brings a fresh perspective.
I would love to be wrong in my assessment. It would only be restorative of my faith.