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For Me on Mother's Day

I wrote this on a mother's day when J and I had been far apart for a while and my heart ached beyond belief. I wished for togetherness and a wildflower for a gift. This year I have both. Ms W helped J and her class make flowers with finger paint and construction paper for Mother's Day. I feel utterly grateful for delayed gratification.

A Mother of Another Kind

A mother of another kind mea culpa,
I have forgotten the smile, the touch and the kiss that made my world go round
instead my heart is etched with many sudden memories
seared by despair and agony of a soul ripped in two.
That a time will come when I will hold you close to me again,
that we will go for a walk hand in hand on a bright summer day like today.
That on such a day you may be wearing a straw hat with a satin ribbon flapping in the wind
That you may stop to pick a wild flower and say "For you, Ma."

Such is the soft dream stuff - my "prana" my will to live.
Should a thrifty fairy to grant me two wishes instead of three -
I would ask to live my days to the last
To see you ever joyful and serene.
And on a dark winter night, should I be alone,
I be able to reach you - rest in the warmth of your home and heart.

But, I will not cry nor be sad this summer day
when the flowers give their best,
and the grass is greener by far than hope new born.
I will instead send out a prayer to Him who has counted all my heartbeats unto now
and knows how many more I have left.
I will ask him to hear me and one little angel playing
in the courtyard of my childhood home - hear our dreams of togetherness.
I will ask him to save the debt of my "Karma" for another life
and give me this one to just be a mother of the real kind.

Published as NM (my pen-name)
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