Gratis Shrink

In which it takes a random Desi guy all of ten minutes and a few sentences typed in a chat session to psychoanalyze me. Talk of precocious perspicacity ! Unfortunately he does not prescribe the cure for what ails me. Even so anyone out there who is paying top dollar for therapy should get in touch with me so I can refer them to the Gratis Shrink par excellence

Him: hi
Me: hi
Him: so..got a pic

Comments - Brilliant opening line. From experience these have inevitably gone south.

Me: too early for a pic i think.yes i do have pictures
Him: really.always nice to see the person..
Me: i'm sure.if there is mutual interest to proceed further a pic will follow
Him: interesting profile u have
Me: thanks :)
Him: ok.perhaps a pic may cause the interest to rise
Me: i am sure it will and thats exactly why i think it should wait a little
Him: fair enough.seem very clear on what u want
Me: too clear actually. manage to scare most guys at one million paces
Him: looking at your profile here - you need to respect him..
Me: very important to me
Him: interesting
Me: i'm not looking for a buddy - i need to be able to look up to the man
Him: but then again he needs to be funny..so u may not be able to
Me: humor is related to intelligence and as such a criteria for me being able to respect him
Him: is..humor related to intelligence?
Me: usually is.not the slapstick variety - the subtle sometimes even acerbic kind
Him: lol
Me: a man that cannot make me laugh will not work out anyways so why bother

Comments: I am wondering if I should sign off at this point and get some dinner started. Clearly this is headed deep south.

Short Pause

Me: so what do you do for a living ?
Him: i read bad code and write good code.
Me: ah !
Him: i am a programmer
Me: to paraphrase, you write the bad code and then re-write it ?
Him: haha.sometimes
Me: thats called job security :)
Him: yes

Long Pause

Comments: Incredible timing ! J says she's hungry so I leave to fix her some snack and also get dinner started as contemplated earlier.

Him: well
Me: well ?
Him: so..am i qualified to see ur pic
Me: not yet.in all seriousness seeing my picture will not add any value to this process. for most guys my appearance is the least of their concerns.
Him: i understand what u say. what have looks got to do with this process anyway..
Me: not much unless you are flat out replusive looking
Him: lol.u like my picture?
Me: ur ok
Him: ok

Pregnant Pause

Comments: Wonder if his mom raised him to believe that he had the looks that would cause mass hysteria among the female of the species. I have known many desi moms to do that.

Him: so..what else
Me: your turn . ask me what you want to know
Him: i am turned off by u

Comments : Might have been right on the money about mom :)

Me: great
Him: u carry too much angry energy.may be you have not recoverd from the divorce yet..
Me: wow this is my lucky day ! I actually get a shrink for free :)
Him: yes
Me: tell me more - since i'm not paying for this i'm all ears and have all the time in the world

Silence