Skip to main content

Blushing Lamp

Reading about the blushing lamp I tried to remember any phone conversation that had made me blush –only one came to mind and it was in the mid 80s. What a long time ago ! I guess I am past the age of “blush” and can’t relate to it anymore.

I am familiar with a myriad of other emotions that a phone conversation can evoke – pain, longing, desire, anger, happiness and laughter are some I can readily think of. Hours after I get off the phone with my best friend I feel like I am floating on a million effervescent bubbles of delight. I have no idea how he does it. The blushing lamp would need to glow like a neon sign to approximate my mood.

When R returned to my life after a one year hiatus, my heart throbbed with a dull pain whenever we talked on the phone. In time that changed to longing and even happiness but a tiny kernel of pain remained - that was at the core of all other feelings – a metaphor for our short-lived marriage. A blushing lamp whose glow waxed, waned around a central black spot and sometimes turned completely dark would certainly reflect that state of being.

Humanizing technology to observe and record human emotions is certainly useful. It is like having someone to hold up a mirror to us when we would have no way knowing what we are undergoing emotionally - visual cues could serve as warnings to save us from destructive relationships.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha...
5 comments
Read more

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...
111 comments
Read more

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...
6 comments
Read more