Skip to main content

Dating Consultancy

I don't have the resume that it takes to land a dating expert position but the pay is enticing enough to consider a change of profession. The job description does not sound half bad either

I am a dating consultant, President of Rapid Dating and the author of Love Mechanics. I do personal dating consulting and give dating ideas and advice for women and men; including makeover services, wardrobe tune-ups and love nest tune-ups. I will tune up people’s homes and create love environments. Guys often think, “Once I meet a girl, I’ll fix up my place,” but it’s actually the reverse. He needs to fix up his home first! I take people shopping for a new wardrobe. I create love scripts for people in different dating situations; for people who don’t know what to say.


I have in my time given dating advice to both men and women to their eventual benefit. Wardrobe and make-up wisdom comes to me naturally though I hesitate to dispense it lest it offends the recipient.

Likewise for home interiors though I must admit that
boudoir decor is hardly my forte and I know close to nothing about what toys are green and hip these days. But that is nothing a little bit of research (aka Googling) cannot remediate. Finally, like hairdressing and landscaping this is a line of work that cannot get outsourced.

I always knew what I do for a living is not really "me" but now I think I might have found my true calling. I wonder if I should start with buying banner space on the desi dating and matri sites. I might even throw in remote telepromting from the dating consultant's "situation room" instead of a static "love script" that cannot be customized to meet real time needs.

Comments

Prerona said…
lol :)

Popular posts from this blog

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha...

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...