Profoundly Weird

It is common knowledge back home that Bong dudes are prone to being profoundly weird. The gents themselves might describe themselves as "profound" (which is their misplaced belief) but us women know that the operative word is weird. Without further ado, a small sampling of the said weirdness, I have come across over the years.

A - Late thirties, engineering grad from India and an MBA from NYU. Lives in Queens. Conversation turns to life outside work. He says he is seriously into wines. I think that refers to wine-tasting and collecting. Somewhat miffed at that, he explains he makes wines at home and is working with a graphic designer friend on the labels. In the next couple of hours he tries to give me a crash course in wine-making and wine-snobbery and I tune out after the first five minutes.

I keep hoping we'll talk about other things and I am not prepared for the wine-making quiz that comes at the end of the second hour. I make worse than failing grade. He tells me he is determined to find a Bong woman who either is into wine making herself or is able to acquire a passion for it in short order. She would also be able to befriend his widowed mother who lives with him. Both requirements are non-negotiable. I wish him good luck in his quest.

B- Late twenties, engineering grad from India, Masters and PhD in the US. Has a number of patents and papers to his credit. Insists that I Google him to learn more about his professional accomplishments. I try to humor that and move on to other things. He tells me that he is looking for a woman who has demonstrated her ability to be a good mother. As such, only single mothers with well adjusted kids would qualify as potential partners. My curiosity is piqued.

But the more important requirement is that she be willing to have a child with him and leave when the child is old enough for him to take care of. I ask to know more about "leave" and he explains that he wants to raise the child alone without input or interference from the mother. He is willing to provide a very generous divorce settlement for the woman's efforts. I ask him if he is a pedophile and if I should be reporting him to the authorities. He tells me in all seriousness that he is not. He is merely passionate about being the ideal father and does not want a wife interfering with any of his goals or shifting his focus away from fatherhood.

C - Commerce graduate from India, CPA, late thirties. Works for the government. He has lived in Baltimore after he got divorced. That was three years ago. They were married for five years and lived in San Antonio at the time. Every other weekend, he flies to San Antonio to hang out with the Bong families they knew as a couple. She still lives there and makes it a point not to show up at these gatherings when he does.

I ask if there are not any Bongs in Baltimore that he could befriend and he says he has never reached out to them. He feels like home is in San Antonio where his friends are. So why does he not move back there I ask. Because ex still lives there he answers. What happens if he marries again, would the bi-weekly trips to San Antonio continue. He can't imagine a life without those trips - it is what keeps him going. Spouses come and go, friends are forever he adds. I am totally stumped by Bong-weirdness.

D - Liberal Arts major from India, MBA from the States, mid-thirties. Worked for a number of major FMCG companies before he had an epiphany and decided his true calling was to be a trucker. I asked if this was a delayed quarter life crisis that could just as well have been served by buying a red Corvette. He said he did not believe is ersatz sports cars. It had to be the real McCoy or nothing at all and no it was no quarter or mid-life crisis.

Was there any chance that he would return to the cubicle farm or even the corner office after a few years of being a trucker I wondered. He said he had finally found the job that paid him by the hour, did not involve corporate politics and a cubicle or office. There was no way he was going to trade his hard earned freedom for that flaming pile of poo. He asked me if I would consider being a roadkill collector if my life depended on it. I said absolutely no way. Exactly how I feel about being a corporate whore he said.