Skip to main content

Golden Silence

R (my ex) and I were very proud of the fact that unlike most couples, we never had an argument or raised our voices no matter what difference of opinion we had. Instead of screaming at each other, we would sit companionably together and talk through the issue at hand - and what a lot of talking that was ! By when we were done, the original problem would have blossomed into a rash of several others hitherto unknown ones making it fertile ground for many other such "meaningful conversations" as we would call these episodes.

So, the discussions and deliberations would continue ad nauseum until I was ready to scream if only to make this insanity stop and solve at least one thing. Needless to say, the distance between us widened at a devastating pace but we never stopped talking about the issues at hand and God knows there was no lack of them. All that talking opened up vulnerabilities in both of us that we would have been prudent not to show each other so early into the marriage.

To the bitter end, we were able to discourse on the many themes of our marital discord "intelligently" and "dispassionately". Among the many things that were or went wrong with my marriage - talking indefatigably through our troubles was by far the most significant. To that end, I can relate to the wisdom of this article which posits that you need to stay quiet to improve your marriage. I know for a fact talking does not help so maybe the silence could.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha...
5 comments
Read more

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...
111 comments
Read more

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...
6 comments
Read more