Skip to main content

Life Line

On what could have been a quiet and even lonely Valentine's Day, Zubin called Sheila early in the morning. There was nothing romantic about it - they were two old friends catching up on a weekend. When she asked him what he had planned for the day, Zubin said "I have already done what I was supposed to today - I called you". Sheila's first instinct was a compelling need to feel guilt - he was another woman's husband and here he was telling her what he was. Her inability to work up contrition, made her feel that much worse. "That's charming and I am flattered. But what about the woman you are married to ?" she found herself asking. 
"I'll probably take her out for dinner and buy her a gift" Sheila wondered how it might feel to be that woman. The husband was going through the expected motions of Valentine's Day - he probably did the same on her birthday and their anniversary as well. To the world outside, they would appear a normal, happy couple. In his heart, he felt no connection with her - calling Sheila to just chat about mundane things was more fulfilling to him on a day considered special for lovers. 
Yet, they had never been lovers - he had never put words to describe his feelings for Sheila and neither had she for him. For the longest time, they did not even know what those feelings might be. It was understood that they had a place in each other's hearts - the nature of which would likely never be fully articulated or defined. In never having transgressed the line of friendship, they felt safe calling their relationship platonic but it was too profound to not matter to their respective significant others. After they got off the phone, Sheila wondered how they ended up in this complicated place - why was it that she did not feel she was doing wrong by Zubin's wife by allowing him to stay in touch with her, enjoy her company even if only through phone calls and email. 
She should have felt bad about waiting for him to call on weekends, having him say "Keep me company on the phone - I have a couple of hours to drive until I reach London" on his way to a business meeting. After talking for an hour, he might call again later and say "Looks like I haven't had my fill of you today. Can we talk some more ?". The man was hungering for companionship that his own marriage did not give him - he was begging her for a little time with her. He did not seek more and would have left without a word if Sheila ever told him that she did not want to continue this situation they had going on.

She simply could not bring herself to be so cruel as to deprive Zubin the one joy of his life - talking to her sometimes. She felt sorry for all three of them - surely they all deserved better than what life had cast in their lot. The wife did not know the Zubin she did - he had never made an effort to get her fully acquainted with the person he really was. Not surprisingly, their marriage left lifeless - Sheila blamed Zubin for this.

He would say, he had tried but she was just not right for him - something that had become evident a few years into their marriage. After the newness of physical intimacy wore off, there was nothing of substance left besides a shared gaol of making things work out while keeping on a happy face. If the life line that Sheila provided him were withdrawn, he might find it even harder to go through the motions of a happy marriage.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cheese Making

I never fail to remind J that there is a time and place for everything. It is possibly the line she will remember me by when I am dead and gone given how frequently she hears it. Instead of having her breakfast she will break into a song and dance number from High School Musical well past eight on Monday morning. She will insist that I watch and applaud the performance instead of screaming at her to finish her milk and cereal. Her sense of occasion is seriously lacking but then so is mine. Consider for example, a person walks into the grocery store with the express purpose of buying detergent because they are fresh out of it and laundry is only half way done. However instead of heading straight for detergent, they wander over to the natural foods aisle and go berserk upon finding goat milk on sale for a dollar a gallon. They at once proceed to stock pile so they can turn it to huge quantities home-made feta cheese. That person would be me. It would not concern me in the least that I ha...

Part Liberated Woman

An expat desi friend and I were discussing what it means to return to India when you have cobbled together a life in a foreign country no matter how flawed and imperfect. We have both spent over a decade outside India and have kids who were born abroad and have spent very little time back home. Returning "home" is something a lot of new immigrants like L and myself think about. We want very much for that to be an option because a full assimilation into our country of domicile is likely never going to happen. L has visited India more often than I have and has a much better pulse on what's going on there. For me the strongest drag force working against my desire to return home is my experience of life as a woman in India. I neither want to live that suffocatingly sheltered existence myself nor subject J to it. The freedom, independence and safety I have had in here in suburban America was not even something I knew I could expect to have in India. I never knew what it felt t...

Under Advisement

Recently a desi dude who is more acquaintance less friend called to check in on me. Those who have read this blog before might know that such calls tend to make me anxious. Depending on how far back we go, there are sets of FAQs that I brace myself to answer. The trick is to be sufficiently evasive without being downright offensive - a fine balancing act given the provocative nature of questions involved. I look at these calls as opportunities for building patience and tolerance both of which I seriously lack. Basically, they are very desirous of finding out how I am doing in my personal and professional life to be sure that they have me correctly categorized and filed for future reference. The major buckets appear to be loser, struggling, average, arrived, superstar and uncategorizable. My goal needless to say, is to be in the last bucket - the unknown, unquantifiable and therefore uninteresting entity. Their aim is to pull me into something more tangible. So anyways, the dude in ques...