A Life Misspent

I last read Nirala (in Hindi) back in my high school days. Recently I read A Life Misspent, a novel too short to be an autobiography yet inspired by the author's life and times. Despite the limitations of English in being able to convey the bold flavors of Nirala's prose, the book is atmospheric. Some parts of it more than others. The early encounters between Nirala and Kulli Bhaat, who the book is about, conveys the tension that must have been present in the air. A young man whose own sexuality may still be evolving is drawn to Kulli who is rather unambiguous about his own. This leaves Nirala's feelings for his new bride in a conflicted place. This must have been a daring story to write back in the day. The societal backdrop against which the story unfolds has no room for such outliers. Kulli finds absolution in his work for the downtrodden that appears to mitigate his character "flaws" in the eyes of the community. 

Nirala's fate is much harder to decipher. He attaches himself to a good cause by way of Kulli almost as a way to escape the contradictions of his own life. The story ends with no resolution for the author and indeed if it traces the full arc of his life, the title of the book makes sense. By the same measure, so many human lives would be considered misspent. Where a person is not able to resolve their own identity or define their cause; to make up for it, they may choose to anchor to those who have fared better in defining themselves that purpose for which they live. To that end, a life lived by proxy could well be considered misspent even if it served good cause.