No Dissent

Like many, I believed a relationship was shallow or even fake without a fair amount of healthy argument. There simply could not be continual blissful accord - if there was, the dreaded rot was setting in. Maybe one person has an outside interest and no longer cares enough to fight, maybe there is mutual apathy as both have given up. There is this notion that debate in a relationship is like a potter's wheel, which shapes things to make a more perfect union. In my own life, I have learned this is not true. I have found that discord arises from desire to change the other or have them accept a version of yourself they did not sign up to live with. 

Either way, both sides believe there is more the other could do to meet them half-way, accommodate, adjust or otherwise demonstrate willingness to compromise. However, there comes a time in a person's life when they have already argued everything out of their system, every dissent has been aired and heard and there is no desire left for more of what is unpleasant and unlikely to produce a resolution. They no longer desire to change or expect another to do so either. It is okay by then to indulge a point of view that is impossible to agree with and love the person holding that view all the same. It is perhaps okay to periodically catalog all the points of disagreement but not have discord. Being able to laugh at each other without being disrespectful goes a very long way as does empathy. There is always a reason a person holds a strong conviction even it is one that you totally disagree with. 

Watching the documentary RBG, brought these thoughts to mind when the discussion turned to Ginsburg's friendship with Scalia. What is possible and clearly rewarding in professional life is also true in personal life in my experience. If the friendship is real, the "arguments" can elevate to something that improves each person without in anyway impairing their love for each other.