This post about low divorce rates in India and the reasons for it are (sadly) all true. Earlier today, I was chatting with my cousin M about the only happy couple we know in our whole extended family. That is a lot of people we are talking about here. In my grandparents' generation having eight to ten kids was more norm than the exception. The couple in question who stood out to us as the happiest we ever saw, had none of the traditional markers of "success". The man had a humble job in Indian Railways and never went to college. His wife was better educated but stayed at home. Their wedding was a very simple affair as she came from a poor family. Over a decade after the marriage, she got pregnant and had a miscarriage. They died people of very modest means and childless.
Through the fifty plus year marriage, they remained the only couple anyone of us knew that lived in peace, never ceased communicating, frequently laughed together and made others feel at ease around them. Their arguments never grew strident or demeaning. She was the best cook ever and every meal she made was a labor of love and perfection. He adored everything about her and took pride in her accomplishments. She respected him as a provider and support. Every other couple we knew were puzzled by them - they had "nothing" and yet they were so happy. Many considered them both very simple-minded. Surprisingly, no one tried to emulate their example and improve their own marriage.
M's theory is that this marriage was such a success is because she had zero expectations from it. Everything she got out of it was, therefore, a big win and she did not suffer very much in difficult times. She placed value in the man and their relationship - as opposed to having completed the checklist of a "good marriage". I suspect it was the same for him - his wife held intrinsic value for him as his companion for life. Her worth was not determined by how she well performed in her social and domestic obligations and whether she gave birth to their child or not.
For a couple who would be in their late nineties by now, they were way ahead of the times. They had a progressive and equal marriage that is aspirational for most desis even today.
Through the fifty plus year marriage, they remained the only couple anyone of us knew that lived in peace, never ceased communicating, frequently laughed together and made others feel at ease around them. Their arguments never grew strident or demeaning. She was the best cook ever and every meal she made was a labor of love and perfection. He adored everything about her and took pride in her accomplishments. She respected him as a provider and support. Every other couple we knew were puzzled by them - they had "nothing" and yet they were so happy. Many considered them both very simple-minded. Surprisingly, no one tried to emulate their example and improve their own marriage.
M's theory is that this marriage was such a success is because she had zero expectations from it. Everything she got out of it was, therefore, a big win and she did not suffer very much in difficult times. She placed value in the man and their relationship - as opposed to having completed the checklist of a "good marriage". I suspect it was the same for him - his wife held intrinsic value for him as his companion for life. Her worth was not determined by how she well performed in her social and domestic obligations and whether she gave birth to their child or not.
For a couple who would be in their late nineties by now, they were way ahead of the times. They had a progressive and equal marriage that is aspirational for most desis even today.
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