Still Relevant

I read Rajinder Singh Bedi's short story Lajwanti recently and was struck by how the more things change, the more they stay the same. The character of Lajwanti's husband encapsulates many of the conflicts that continue to plague the modern day sub-continental man. They really desire to accept the women in their lives "blemishes" and all because they realize it is the decent, progressive and humane thing to do. Yet often there is an insurmountable gap between what they wish to do and what they have the ability for. They are victims themselves as they have not been raised to fully accept and indeed celebrate a woman's personhood. So they end up being lesser versions of themselves, unable to live up to their own aspirations, making others miserable along the way.

My dear friend S, is single and without kids at my age. She tells me about her life experiences that have left her convinced that there is no place for a woman like herself in an Indian marriage and the expectations that go with it. She is probably right - her quirks are one too many and she does not have any "redeeming" qualities expected from a "good" desi wife to make up for them. A man would need to accept her as-is and nothing good will likely come of it for either of them.  Yet, S as an amazing human being - a great mentor to many young people who have gone on to achieve wonderful things with her guidance and support. She has a capacity to love and give without reservation that very few have. I always wish for a miracle to happen in her life - for her to be the exception to the rule.