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Hard Friendships

My friend D who I have known for over fifteen years now, is very quick to misunderstand and get offended. Sparing her feelings takes a lot of deliberate effort. Over the years, I have upset her several times. For the major offenses, I have allowed over a year long to cool off. In every instance she bounced right back, we were able to get along as if nothing had happened. The issue (if we still remembered by then) was discussed and resolved. A lot of time was wasted in this process in what is already a busy life for both of us.

 J asked me the other day, how and why I do it. There are "easier" people out there that do not take this much trouble to get along with. And she is right - D is the antithesis of easy. Yet, it always made sense to put in the work she takes in a friendship. I am not sure why it does. Maybe she reminds me of other people in my life who pose challenges and yet cannot be excluded or ignored. Knowing that my obligations are much more limited with D allows me to try harder and learn skills that I do need in other areas of my life where there is no way out. If she was "easier" as J says, we may have had more time together as friends but it would have not helped my emotional growth. I may have not appreciated what is special about her either. 
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