Birthday Bookends

My last birthday day before J becomes an adult reminded me of that last one before she was born. They are book-ends of the time when almost my entire life was about motherhood. It was the strongest signal in the noise of everyday. She got me some flowers and matcha mochi ice cream this year. And took me out to lunch at our favorite Chinese place. We save this place for my birthday lunch ever since J has had a job and was able to pay for it. Small traditions that have come to matter more now that she will be gone. Everything is now about the last time we do things together on certain dates. As she begins her own life, those dates will find her in other places doing other things. She will be missed here at home. 

But I will remember the flowers in the vase, eating mochi ice cream together and that lunch where we talked about the hard life of young people in the food service industry. J made it a point to tip very generously and add a smiley and "Thank you" to the check to show her appreciation. While I was present with her that afternoon, my thoughts went back to that other birthday when I felt wistful about the end of certain phase of my life and could not imagine what motherhood would be like. The idea of J was real when she moved around and kicked inside me. That was who I was looking forward to. And now she is ready to take off and fly.