I have travel plans late Fall that will have me in the same city as two of my young relatives I have never met. Both young men are few years into their careers but still single - one is my nephew and the other is my cousin. In hopes of meeting them during my short visit, I wrote to both as soon as I had my travel dates confirmed. The responses were tepid to mildly warm. Sure, would love to meet was all that was said.
A generation ago, their parents would have given a relative such as myself a good bit more. They would have offered to come by since I was new to their city. Questions like where will you be staying, how long will you have etc would get asked - there would be communications back and forth advising on the best options for staying and getting around - specially if the plan was to meet them somewhere midway. The person requesting to meet and greet would not need to worry if they had over-stepped and even asked.
During my trip to Kolkata last year, another cousin of similar age, promised to pick up my friend from college who was visiting me from out of town. He would get her on his way to the airport as they were going to be in the same flight. The dude ended up being a no-show with no excuse or prior notice. We had to scramble to get her out there on time and she barely made her flight. Maybe it was wrong of us to ask him for a ride - but it seemed just a logical thing to do. Our hotel was on his way to the airport - no detour was needed, they had the same flight. Seemed like a simple, stupid ask to share the costs of the ride. Also, it would be safer for her not to ride alone. Such behavior would have been unthinkable with this man's father. He was and is Mr Dependable. If D gives his word, you take it to the bank. Much the same is true for parents of the nephew and the cousin I am trying to meet in a couple of months.
All of this makes me wonder how such a precipitous drop off in standards even became possible within a generation. More to point in my case, I have to worry if J will follow generational norms and act in ways that I cannot even imagine. I would really love for her to go out of her way, make a family member who is a visitor to her city feel comfortable and enjoy spending a few hours of their life with her. That is the tradition we came from and it would be a shame to see it all lost.
A generation ago, their parents would have given a relative such as myself a good bit more. They would have offered to come by since I was new to their city. Questions like where will you be staying, how long will you have etc would get asked - there would be communications back and forth advising on the best options for staying and getting around - specially if the plan was to meet them somewhere midway. The person requesting to meet and greet would not need to worry if they had over-stepped and even asked.
During my trip to Kolkata last year, another cousin of similar age, promised to pick up my friend from college who was visiting me from out of town. He would get her on his way to the airport as they were going to be in the same flight. The dude ended up being a no-show with no excuse or prior notice. We had to scramble to get her out there on time and she barely made her flight. Maybe it was wrong of us to ask him for a ride - but it seemed just a logical thing to do. Our hotel was on his way to the airport - no detour was needed, they had the same flight. Seemed like a simple, stupid ask to share the costs of the ride. Also, it would be safer for her not to ride alone. Such behavior would have been unthinkable with this man's father. He was and is Mr Dependable. If D gives his word, you take it to the bank. Much the same is true for parents of the nephew and the cousin I am trying to meet in a couple of months.
All of this makes me wonder how such a precipitous drop off in standards even became possible within a generation. More to point in my case, I have to worry if J will follow generational norms and act in ways that I cannot even imagine. I would really love for her to go out of her way, make a family member who is a visitor to her city feel comfortable and enjoy spending a few hours of their life with her. That is the tradition we came from and it would be a shame to see it all lost.
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