Writing and Existence

Could not have said it better about why I like to write and what it does for me. Author Kate Zambreno says it beautifully:

Writing is a way into and out of existence. I often write when I’m feeling the most ghostly and I felt extremely ghostly right after I gave birth. There was a desire to write myself back into existence, to mark, like the On Kawara paintings, I am still alive.

I can relate to feeling ghostly and not existing. There were many phases in my life when that happened. Indeed, this blog came to be during one of the peak periods of such ghostliness. It was like being behind a thick glass wall, seeing the ebb and flow of life around me while I was struck by aphonia. So the only way to be heard was to write. 

Over time, the ghostliness faded and with it the desire to write. I needed to float out of existence for a bit - deal with the nerve shattering din of reality. The glass wall had broken and I was in the flow and clamor. Lately, writing is just about a steady habit much like green tea  first thing in the morning. It is not about existence or value anymore.