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Lack of Balance

I have been on MeFi for as long as its been around and occasionally browse the AskMetafilter question. Found this one about uneven power in marriage and its impact of the relationship very insightful. The whole thread is worth reading but one of the responses stood out for me

 It wouldn’t surprise me at all if the lack of sex is due to her not feeling like a partner and being insecure as to where the relationship is at. This doesn’t mean I think you should hand over half but I think these issues are all intertwined. It’s hard to be intimate with someone if you think they have one foot out the door - and you’ve as much said that you’re hanging onto the house because you’re not sure the relationship will last, so there’s truth to that.

 There is much truth to this observation I think. If one of the two feels like they are less equal by every material measure, they take their turn to wield power in intimacy. It is a valid way to level the playing field. However, a time might come when withholding intimacy does not create the desired provocation or leverage. The other side is no longer willing to work a power sharing arrangement to restore intimacy. As one person holds all the cards and there is nothing left for the other - their perceived value is absolutely nothing. 

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