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Staying Afloat

Watching this movie All I See Is You gave me a lot to think about. In the absence of truly magical grade love or earth-shattering chemistry (some people are blessed to have both) in marriage, the system is held in place by the opposing forces of power and control. The party with the greater power generally cedes a bit of control to keep the forces in balance, create parity. The controller must in turn relinquish there desire for increased power (money, social status, business and family connections etc could all be sources of power) to retain their controller-ship (being the key decision-maker in the family - the PTA parent, the one that decides where the next vacation will be, which relatives are welcome home and which ones are not, who is invited to the backyard BBQ, curfew rules for kids and so on are all about control of the family unit). 

In the movie, it would be easy to see the husband as a villain - he will stop at nothing to keep his wife disabled and dependent on him. If he cannot stand her being free can he claim to even love her. The fact is, these truths would have never been known if she did not regain her sight. The marriage would have felt perfect with none of the flaws coming to light. An older couple I know has an arrangement very similar  - no one is disabled but each has mutilated the other until they are both handicapped. 

The man was socially inept to begin with but his wife has pushed his feeling of insecurity over it to the point he feels he cannot open his mouth without first clearing things with her or their place in society would be destroyed. In return, he has convinced her that she is so technically challenged that even browsing the internet could compromise their only desktop computer irreparably.He refuses to get wifi because that could give her access to the world on their shared cellphone. She is not considered capable of using a smartphone either - for anything apart from answering calls. She has never texted anyone in her life and she is only in her mid 60s. 

This is the give and take the couple has worked out to keep their marriage afloat. They do take vacations together and maintain an active social life. To the casual observer very little if any issues in their relationship will be evident. Maybe they even love each other in a way that makes sense for them but they cannot exist in a marriage without the balance they have created for themselves. My theory is if the woman gets on the internet freely and without limitation, this marriage will be over in short order. Regaining sight as the character played by Blake Lively does is a much bigger deal.

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