Self Concept

The biggest life event of my past year was J leaving to college. Anticipating that transition, going through it and coming out the other side were very different things. None of which I could have prepared for and was surprised at every turn. My self-concept was definitely challenged as it never has:

.. we need to know who we ourselves are to find our life's direction. Among the obstacles we face: Our self-concept arises from many diverse information sources, stored in different parts of our memory. The cognitive scientist Ulric Neisser said that we tuck away information in various pockets of memory, and in each area we store different information, including our global self-concept, our autobiographical memories, and our conscious here-and-now self.

If a disproportionate part of a person's self-worth is tied to their performance in one role in life, it is hard to remain objective. The back and forth between self-deprecation and self-aggrandization distorts reality quite severely. Until that is restored, it is difficult to move on to other roles the person could fulfill.

Advisory on what a person in my situation could do with the time and life abound. When I read through such a list, it turns out that I was doing over half of what is on there even while J was at home - the rest I may never be interested in. Getting myself a pet or planting a garden - are not things I will do particularly well and so I won't start just to fail.