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Ideal Partner

Could not agree more with the conclusion the author arrived at in this article about what professional women need in their partner:

Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Anything in between ends up being a morale- and career-sapping morass.

I watched On the Basis of Sex recently, a great testimony to the amazing success of RBG on account of having a super-supportive partner. A truly egalitarian marriage - she was there for Marty just as much as he was for her. Each was the beneficiary of the unrelenting support of the other. 

There is also my favorite quote by H. Jackson Brown on this topic but in a more gender neutral way “Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.” I remember seeing this quote on a poster in my apartment's gym when I first came to America - a new bride at the time. Turned out to be prophetic words for me. Not only does it determine 90% of your happiness or misery, it places a hard limit on what you can accomplish in personal and professional life. 

Its like you had the promise to be a big tree but ended up a bonsai. You have to learn to make peace with your diminished stature as a human being as you watch the rest of the world march by big and bold. Once you have that figured out, you need to learn how not to feel like a victim and take what charge you can of your life, see if you can take a stab at being a shrub if not a tree. All told, that is a few decades of the most productive period of your life trying to offset the consequences of marrying the wrong person.

Traditionally, men have had more cushion when it comes to absorbing the shock of a bad marriage or dealing with the daily struggles of an un-supportive partner. Society does not expect men to be primary caregivers or judge them on the basis of how they performed on that job. If the children are left holding the bag as a result of being in a situation where the father is a careerist and the mother is unable or unwilling to pick up the slack, society will likely not label a successful man a bad and absent father. 

In the least that will not be what fundamentally defines him. Women do not have it so easy. No matter her other accomplishments or lack thereof, she will be scrutinized on her performance as a mother and judgment will likely be passed a lot more easily on her than her husband. 

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