Seeking Retreat

Recently, a dear friend pointed out to my habit of tunneling away online when I am not comfortable in my surroundings -to make my bubble of quiet in the middle of chaos. The observation is accurate. This is where being non-confrontational meets my need to have solitary time. I believe people like me were born to be quiet, minding their own business and staying out of controversy. We were made to be more sociable and outgoing by those who raised us - for our own good and as a survival skill. 

So over time we learned to act and play the part but the soul of us still wants to escape to that quiet place where no interaction is needed for long periods of time. Here I was being challenged to think about why I first started to escape and it the conditions in my life had changed since then. Having this conversation about retreating in crowds - perceived and real reminded me of a Robert Duncan poem

And solitude,   a wild solitude
’s reveald,   fearfully,   high     I’d climb   
into the shaking uncertainties,

part out of longing,   part     daring my self,
part to see that
widening of the world,   part

to find my own, my secret
hiding sense and place, where from afar   
all voices and scenes come back