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Flourishing Relationship

 Interesting study on what makes relationships work. In summary "It really seems that having a great relationship is less about finding the perfect partner or changing your current partner, and more about building that relationship itself – setting up the conditions that will allow the relationship to flourish"

If that were true, arranged marriages with proper coaching on how to build a lasting relationship should have a high probability of success. Maybe that is what needs to be fixed about arranged marriages - relationship coaching. Yet the relationship factors that the article lists as key are very hard to come by: 

  1. Perceived partner commitment (in a phrase: "my partner wants this relationship to last forever")
  2. Appreciation (feeling lucky to have your partner)
  3. Sexual satisfaction
  4. Perceived partner satisfaction (how happy you think the relationship makes your partner)
  5. Conflict
Wanting a relationship to last forever is not always a positive. It can get stifling and suffocating even. Appreciation can be worked up to compensate for things are missing in the relationship. When a woman can't stop talking about how lucky she is to have her partner, its usually a red flag. I was such a woman once and that marriage was dead on arrival. I hated to acknowledge that simple fact and convinced myself and anyone who cared to hear that I was ever so lucky. The last three items have a very symbiotic relationship to each other. When the balance is off, it could feel like filling a leaky pail with water where you can't plug all three at the same time. Instead you switch between the three sources of leakage and see what yields the best results.

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