Interesting study on what makes relationships work. In summary "It really seems that having a great relationship is less about finding the perfect partner or changing your current partner, and more about building that relationship itself – setting up the conditions that will allow the relationship to flourish"
If that were true, arranged marriages with proper coaching on how to build a lasting relationship should have a high probability of success. Maybe that is what needs to be fixed about arranged marriages - relationship coaching. Yet the relationship factors that the article lists as key are very hard to come by:
- Perceived partner commitment (in a phrase: "my partner wants this relationship to last forever")
- Appreciation (feeling lucky to have your partner)
- Sexual satisfaction
- Perceived partner satisfaction (how happy you think the relationship makes your partner)
- Conflict
Wanting a relationship to last forever is not always a positive. It can get stifling and suffocating even. Appreciation can be worked up to compensate for things are missing in the relationship. When a woman can't stop talking about how lucky she is to have her partner, its usually a red flag. I was such a woman once and that marriage was dead on arrival. I hated to acknowledge that simple fact and convinced myself and anyone who cared to hear that I was ever so lucky. The last three items have a very symbiotic relationship to each other. When the balance is off, it could feel like filling a leaky pail with water where you can't plug all three at the same time. Instead you switch between the three sources of leakage and see what yields the best results.
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