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Unwinnable Choice

In her book Why We Can't Sleep, Ada Calhoun quotes a woman who says this about her "career"

“I don’t know that I have a formal career, not one I carefully chose and then built,” said Lori, forty-one, who grew up in Pittsburgh and is now a contracts analyst in Charlotte, North Carolina. “I just sort of wandered around until I finally landed in my current job. And it’s fine. It’s corporate, it’s safe. Predictable. But sometimes, I have these moments of clarity—usually during lengthy conference calls.

Maybe a slightly different journey in my case, but I completely share the sentiment. It is impossible for me to describe my professional life as a "career". To me that would imply that I had a plan and worked diligently on executing it, put energy into accomplishing the goals and milestones in that plan. No such thing happened in my life - like Lori, I wandered around until I landed where I am. Men who started out where I, when I did are now at the top of their game - many are C-level execs and I read about them in trade publications. Unlike Lori, they did choose and build a career, they almost always had a wife who supported their ambitions and took care of everything so they could focus on their work. Lori might have had what it took to be a CFO but needs to make do with being a contracts analyst. 

My friend N, a single mom with two daughters decided go pursue career with the kind of fervor we could only dream of. While all of us women who are her friends and have kids of our own, root for her success and take pride in her many accomplishments, none of us would be able to muster the courage to do what she does. N has achieved things to be proud of, her girls see very little of her and the youngest has some seriously attention-seeking behavior that troubles her. Unfortunately, just like Lori, N has moments of clarity too- also during lengthy conference calls. The questions in her head are about what is right and her duty to her children versus her own "selfish" career goals. 
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