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Show Stopper

I had my friend L over for dinner a few days ago. Last time we saw each other in person was before the pandemic so there was a lot to catch up on. She is in her early 40s comfortable in her career and a single mom lucky to have an ex with whom it is easy to co-parent. L is one of those people who recognize their blessings and are grateful for them. It's not usual to hear her complain or feel sorry for herself. 

Conversation turned to her dating life or the lack thereof on account of the pandemic. It turns out that singles had gone into hibernation for months while we were all getting used to the lock-down way of life. But recently, things are started to thaw out and there is a date to be had sometimes. Finally after a long time she is starting to meet men who seem right in every way. Yet for three times in a row, three different men revealed something about themselves to her that ended up being a show-stopper. This was after a couple of dates.

The easy theory is that she is self-sabotaging progress in love life but we speculated the real reason may be less obvious. She has friends in their 50s and 60s who have remained single and are in no rush to commit, enjoying the freedom of the dating life on the one hand and grand kids on the other. They have it all - freedom to work the job and hours they like, not be bound to a specific place, time to focus on hobbies and prioritize their health and fitness. 

The presence of grandkids gives them the deep and renewing connection to family. Maybe that is the life L seeks in reality. To get past this stage where she is raising a school age kid and working full-time to meet her financial obligations, to where is it is clear sailing like her older friends who she claims have the "charmed life". It was interesting to see a younger woman visibly envious of those fifteen to twenty years her senior. 

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