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Wisdom of Friends

My friend S has none daughter in her 30s and that is her only child. Any phase of motherhood I am going through, she already has so I always count on her wisdom. Recently, I was telling her that I feel guilty over missing J as much as I do. It's hard for me to come clean about how much I think of her - I don't even want to admit to myself. I view it as an enmeshment of the person who is no longer a child and needs freedom and space to be - mentally. To that end, I wait several times before I give in to the impulse of needing to check in on her. Wait even longer to call her without arranging a time beforehand. I am training myself not to miss my limb in a way. 

Hard to tell if any of that works but I do know I can feel low sometimes thinking how the years with baby J vanished in a flash now she is a grown woman. S has advised me that I will never stop missing J and to deny my feelings is just a foolishness. And what is more just the act of missing her is not stifling J as I fear so much. S tells me that my daughter is a sensible young lady who will figure her way in the world and I should just sit back and enjoy being a mother like any other full of flaws, contractions and self-doubt that loves her child. There is no penalty for that.

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