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Against Tide

I met a sales guy recently who confessed he truly hated traveling and that was even before he had twins who are a few years old now. He lucked into the most rewarding part of their babyhood being home full-time during the pandemic. Before the kids, he traveled a lot did not enjoy it but there was no compelling cause that made him say he won't. I got the feeling R had got in touch with what fatherhood meant to him, the rewards of seeing his boys grow in front of his eyes, being able to chase after them and tip-toe around when they finally napped. He intents to work from home and not travel until there is no choice. 

To that end he is hiring people to do the travel for him, folks in a different phase of their lives or those who actually enjoy being on the road most of the time. It was heart-warming to hear R describe the forces that tie him to home. It does turn out the he was raised by two professional parents both on career tracks. They were there for him as much as they could which was not very much. R and his older siblings fended for themselves. Parents were primarily providers for the family and the annual vacation was the only time the kids had full access to them. R wanted a different kind of life for his twins and do be the father he did not have growing up.

“If we look at public polling data, it’s absolutely clear that men’s hours of child care and housework have increased quite a bit over the last several decades,” says Scott Melzer, professor of sociology and chair of women’s, gender and sexuality studies at Albion College. “It still pales in comparison to how many hours women are putting in, but the culture has shifted.”

I think men like R are likely to be way more supportive and understanding of a woman's maternal desire to be close to her children. He is not going to look at it a lack of ambition. As a man who spends a lot of time juggling work and raising toddlers, R is well aware of the challenges that stay-at-home dads face and a corporate culture that does not expect or support a top sales guy like R who wants to be home and be dad to his children. 
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