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Rethinking Failure

The Gates divorce has forced some useful discussion on the topic. If the richest most successful couple can't figure it out after 27 years then is it such a big failure when it happens to ordinary people. While that is useful to ponder, the more germane question is whether creating a legal contract to make marriage official serves anyone well. If it is meant to test seriousness of intent, anyone who has been through divorce will tell you that if people really want out no piece of paper will prevent it. If they choose to be unfaithful they will, if they don't want to work on the relationship they won't. 

The end will come when it will, the presence of papers will just make things that much more messy, complicated, stressful and expensive. Most importantly, children will suffer needlessly not only during the rupture of the marriage but for many years to come. In the meanwhile the machinery that helps people unwind from their marriage papers will make a ton of money at the expense of the couple. In many marriages, the fear of destruction divorce will bring in its wake keeps people miserable and together - the children are not well-served living in a toxic domestic environment. 

There could be more humane and creative ways to make the union work in the best interests of the couple and their children. Sadly that is far from being a mainstream conversation in society.

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