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Using Adversity

This video from the essay on love addition got me thinking about the value of novelty in sustaining intense romance. Helen Fisher provides a few examples of what might constitute such novelty in a relationship and it is sensible advice. But in real life, this can be way more messy and complicated to allow for the types of novel experiences Fisher suggests as simple as they are. And also novelty can come from outside sources unbidden. Change in jobs, needing to travel to unexpected places driven by needs of family or business, adversity coming from the outside, relocating temporarily, picking a new hobby, meeting a new neighbor and so on.

If what is coming at the couple does not pull them apart, chances are it serves to fuel the intense romance Fisher speaks of. The more the rhythm of the couple's life is unchanging, the higher the likelihood of ennui and therefore by Fisher's logic the fading of that romantic intensity. It was interesting to consider how adversity and generally unpleasant events that could happen to a couple could end up strengthening their romantic bond. There are many other uses of adversity in a relationship - it can serve as a stress test for the long-term commitment phobic. It will reveal the core of the person without adornment or embellishment so it becomes easy to stay or leave.

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